Perfectionism, instagram, and the road

Most of us struggle with perfectionism and it's a never-ending, futile, uphill battle, because perfect doesn’t exist. It’s a concept we create in our minds and every mind creates a different picture. What you view as imperfect in yourself can easily be seen as perfect in the eyes of someone drawing comparison to their own perceived imperfections. So how do we overcome perfectionism? How do we get our brains to get off this train to nowhere? Because that’s exactly where it usually leads us, nowhere.

Our brain gets on the perfectionist train as a means to help us. It doesn’t want to be the mean voice holding us back, instead, it’s often trying to help us to show up as the best version of ourselves. The version that will be best received by the world and, thus from an evolutionary standpoint, keep you in the safe in-group. Physiologically our brains haven’t caught up with the shifts of society. At a basic level, our brains still have the perspective that rejection from our community will lead to being shunned, which in the more primitive times of our ancestors meant being left behind. Which was a life or death game, because out in the wilderness, we needed the protection of numbers.

So your perfectionist thoughts don’t exist to make you feel crappy about yourself, they exist to keep you safe. And they have developed some pretty solid evidence for their methods throughout your life. That presentation you obsessed and stressed over that led to promotion. That carefully timed and excellently put out Thanksgiving dinner. That perfectly curated family calendar which got everyone to every practice on time. It uses these examples as an encouragement to persist with its cruel ways, despite our higher knowledge that these practices are harming our mental health and overall well-being. 

What effect is perfectionism having on us? Ironically, the opposite of its intent. Perfectionism is paralyzing. It convinces us that we can’t show up in the world until all our ducks in a row. My lack of presence on Instagram and limited blog posts over the past two years of having a business and traveling the world is the perfect example of this paralysis. My inner perfectionist was screaming that I couldn’t post anything until I could do it perfectly. I had to have the quintessential content plan. Each post had to be diligently reviewed and edited. Oh and then there are the photos…they have to be edited too. And uh-oh I don’t like how I look in that picture, so maybe I should just wait until I lose some weight and feel more confident before I start posting…

So what was the outcome of my quest for perfection? Four carefully planned and unexecuted content calendars, dozens of written and unposted blogs, hundreds of photos shared only to my phone and computer, and ultimately a silence that has inhibited me from sharing my travels and story with the people I love and anyone else that may be interested in them. 

So how can we counter perfectionism? First, we acknowledge the positive intent of this part. We accept that it’s here to help us, and then politely ask it to step back. We ask it to take a backseat so that we can listen to a different part telling us that we are good enough and it will be okay if we show up imperfectly. We will survive…we are no longer at the primitive risk of being thrown to the wolves. 

And then we embrace imperfection. We listen to the evidence that has shown us that we can show up in the world imperfectly and still be accepted, loved, and successful. That interview you thought you bombed, but still ended up getting the job. That sitcom moment when you burnt dinner and your family had an incredibly joyful evening around a Domino's pizza. That time you tripped up (yes, up) the stairs in high school in front of your crush and didn’t die (true story). The array of blogs you’ve posted with grammatical errors that were still loved by friends, family and even people we never expected to read it (talking to myself on that one). We survived these imperfect and embarrassing moments. We are here to tell the story…and they’re even good stories. 

I encourage you to see your inner perfectionist and then choose to embrace imperfection. Here, I’ll do it first. This post is me opening myself up to imperfection and rejection. I wrote it this morning, reviewed it once (okay, twice), and then grabbed a few videos that I felt aligned with the story. It is flawed, there may be some grammatical errors, adn the videos may not catch others' eyes like they did mine. But I showed up. I saw my perfectionist thoughts for what they are, just thoughts, and chose to listen to the thoughts that encouraged me to just freaking do it!

I’ll do my best to continue showing up here authentically and share my thoughts and stories. It will likely be inconsistent and imperfect. A little bumpy as I continue to build a healthier relationship with my perfectionist part. And even if I fail and get ridiculed, at least I’m no longer paralyzed.